In Rev. 3:20, the Lord Jesus said, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to him and will sup with him and he with me.” What a thought! To have the Lord of the universe desire to fellowship with me! It is truly amazing love and grace that He, the King, would die for a wretched person like me. A mere thank you seems so trite when I try to grasp how significant the separation was between Holy God and me. Isa. 59:1 says, “But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you that he will not hear.”

I was raised in what would be considered a Christian home and attended church regularly. I was a good kid by the world’s standards, but after being drawn to Him and beginning to grasp His holiness and righteousness, I was anything but good. By His standard’s I was a murderer, a liar, an idolater, a thief and even an adulterer. Growing up, I heard the Bible stories, but never understood the concept of being a sinner needing a Savior. Unfortunately, I was not taught what to do to be truly saved or how to develop my faith. An event that defined me early on was when my earthly father was killed in a car wreck when I was 6 years old. I blamed God for that and told Him I hated Him and bitterness took hold of my heart.

The Lord God took away the separation and began removing the bitterness when He drew me to Himself at a Youth Revival when I was 16 years old. It was at that revival that the Holy Spirit made plain to me that I was lost, spiritually dead and bound for eternal separation from God. It was there the Holy Spirit helped me see the work of Christ on the cross; that He took my sins willingly and loved me more than I could comprehend. It was the first time I remember consciously asking for forgiveness of my sins and repenting of them. It was sometime before all the bitterness left and I more fully understood that salvation is by God’s grace alone. Eph. 2:8-9 says, “For by grace are you saved by faith and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.” Or that salvation wasn’t something that could be lost. John 10:27-28 says, “My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they will follow me: and I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of mine hand.”

Since then my life has been one of seeking for God’s truth as well as trying to understand His sovereignty and who He wants me to become. He has helped me see my need of Him and the power of His word. Is. 66:1-2 says, “Thus saith the Lord, the heaven is my throne and the earth is my footstool: where is the house that you build unto me? And where is the place of my rest? For all these things hath mine hand made and all those things have been, saith the Lord: but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit and trembleth at my word.”

Next to receiving the gift of eternal life with Him, He has blessed me with a wonderful, loving wife and two great kids, all of whom are seeking after the Lord Jesus Christ. Not all aspects of my life have been rosy since becoming a Christian, nor have I always been faithful to Him. But God has always been faithful to me and has been there to walk with me through difficult issues of life. He was there at the deaths of close loved ones and at the loss of jobs. He was there when family didn’t understand the decisions we made. He was there when Christian friends turned on us. And He has been there in all my weaknesses, doubts and sins, as well as the victories. Just as He told Joshua in 1:5, “As I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

In His awesomeness, He has placed within my heart a desire to worship and praise Him for who He is and what He has done. I believe this has come directly from His throne. I try to keep in my heart what Psalm 96 says, “O sing unto the Lord a new song: sing unto the Lord, all the earth. Sing unto the Lord, bless His name; show forth his salvation from day to day. Declare his glory among the heathen, his wonders among all people. For the Lord is great and greatly to be praised: he is to be feared above all gods.” And I look forward with great anticipation to that glorious day when I am in the presence of Jesus and can say as John said in Rev. 5:11-13, “And I beheld and I heard the voice of many angels round about the throne and the beasts and elders; and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand and thousands of thousands; saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and blessing. And every creature which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and such as are in the sea and all them that are in them heard I saying, Blessing and honor and glory and power, be unto Him that sits on the throne and unto the Lamb for ever and ever.” What a day if rejoicing that will be!

Have you ever felt such a deep sadness that it physically hurt your chest? It was a feeling I often tried to explain to my Mother. She knew she couldn’t make it better for me, but that never stopped her from trying. It seemed the more my family tried to rescue me, the further from them I felt. The pain came from feeling empty inside. The doctors called it depression, but no prescriptions, therapy sessions or books could seem to fill the void. It was like a hole in my soul, and I soon discovered that I could fill the void with earthly and pleasurable things.

Self-medicating with drugs and alcohol seemed to work the best. Shopping sprees, moving from person to person and place to place seemed to work for awhile too. And even though I surrounded myself with an excess of “so-called” friends, I still felt alone. I was grasping at anything that could help ease the pain, but found that they were all temporary fixes. Was this really freedom, or was I living in a vicious cycle of bondage? There was never a moment’s peace, my spirit was numb and my body and mind became so tired that I couldn’t keep up with the fast track lifestyle I had come to accept as “my life.”

Then, one night in the middle of all the chaos, I broke down and cried out to the Lord, “God please help me!” I really meant it. Matthew 11:28-30 says “Come to me, all who are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.

That next year I struggled to live a better life and do my best to get to know the Lord. He was definitely working in my life, but I was getting frustrated. I still didn’t feel as if I really knew Him and had no idea how to go about it. Then, I met Kimberly, a young Christian who worked with me. She began to share verses from the Bible that touched my heart and sparked my interest. My boyfriend and I agreed to visit Kimberly’s church. Our first visit to TBC was pleasant… the people were nice and the sermon was good. Then one evening, two men came to our door, two men from TBC. They shared the truth about the Word with us and that night I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.

Knowing that Christ died on the cross for “my” sins took all the burden of guilt off my heart. My life changed from that day forward and I finally experienced true freedom because I realized how much the Lord loved me. He had given me the greatest gift. He gave me His only Son so that I might have peace and completion. We must all be willing to obey Him and allow ourselves to be guided by Him, but in return He will give us something more than we can afford to live without…hope.

Life still has its ups and downs, but I don’t have an emptiness anymore. Even when I’m physically alone I can feel the Lord with me, loving me, guiding me and teaching me. I look forward to each day now.

I have faith in the Lord’s plan for me. If I fail or mess up the Lord will be there to encourage me. I don’t have to rely on myself anymore. I can look to Him for strength. I know that I will never be lost again, and how am I sure? Because he tells me in Romans 8:38-39… “for I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” So, whenever anyone comes to me and wants to know how to fill the emptiness, I will ask them, “Have you ever looked to the Lord?”

I was raised by a Godly woman who surrounded my sister and myself with God-honoring things. We went to church often; many services offered invitations afterward. I went forward to pray twice while I was much younger. Each time, I understood that I was a sinner and needed salvation; however, I didn't go because I wanted God to be first in my life, but I went because I knew it would please my mother and others who knew me.

As I grew older, I read a lot; most of what I read was science fiction. I still hated God (though I rarely thought of it that way), and I sought self-affirmation intellectually through the ideas that were espoused in many science fiction stories, ideas that exalted atheistic philosophies. Spaceships and aliens were cool to me, and God wasn't.

I still went to church, though. It was a place to meet good people and fit in. I didn't believe that I was a non-Christian, really. I learned the basic doctrines and a few details here and there, but God was not real to me, and I preferred not to confront Him.

My family moved when I was twelve, and I befriended Matt and Michael, who attended a Baptist youth group. After hanging out with them for most of a school year, they began to find out that I didn't really believe a lot of the things that they did. Knowing that I knew enough doctrine, they challenged me by asking me questions about my attitude toward God and my commitment to Him. Was my understanding void of any continual striving to follow God, or did I really have His Spirit in me?

The things they said to me started making sense in a new way; I knew I had to give up my life, and I didn't want to do that. I could assent that they were right, but it didn't mean that I had to surrender to Christ, as I saw it then.

Toward the end of the summer of 1993, I attended Falls Creek, a Baptist summer camp. Many invitations were given in the evening services, and during each one I felt that I should give my life to Christ, but I wouldn't do it. I told Matt and Mike about my struggle, and they urged me to go. After a few nights, I eventually gave up my last reservation (being seen walking forward) and forsook ruling my own life.

How can I describe how I felt after that? Relieved and hungry. I knew that I was no longer an enemy of God; He says over and over again in His Word that anyone who believes in Him and His Son, Jesus, passes from death to life forever with Him. God granted that passage to me at no cost. I started reading the Bible with the new understanding God had given me. That same youth group continually challenged my growth throughout junior high and high school. In college, I was introduced to Trinity Baptist Church and the Baptist Student Union, both of them ministries focused on teaching the Bible and making disciples. I came to understand more of Scripture during college than any other time in my life before then.

I recently married a wonderful disciple of Jesus and moved to Tulsa. My wife and I were providentially directed to Tulsa Bible Church through friends. I am glad we may join a group that has the same goals God lays out in the Bible and honestly lives them out. We praise God that he has chosen Tulsa Bible Church as the next place to grow us into the image of His Son.

I would first of all like to thank God for letting me share my testimony.

As I grew up I rarely attended church. I knew a little bit about Jesus but not the whole truth. My family celebrated Christmas and Easter as most American families do but I don’t know that we actually gave respect where it was due. I was a good kid when my parents were watching me but when I felt I was alone I often did things I knew were wrong. I started cursing when I was very young. As I got older I started drinking and eventually using drugs. I was so miserable and ashamed of myself. All I wanted was to feel some sort of peace and I often asked God to help me.

I moved to Tulsa about a year and a half ago to live with my mom. I entered a rehab program shortly after and that’s where I met Lorraine. We shared a lot in common so we decided to move in together. We tried to stay sober but it wasn’t working. Finally I realized that I couldn’t do this alone. I needed God’s help so I started looking for a church not really knowing what I was looking for. I was open to suggestions. Then a friend of Lorraine’s, Kimberly, suggested her church which was Tulsa Bible Church.

I went and really liked the sermon. It was the first time I had ever been to church and actually felt like I understood. While I was there I filled out a visitor card and about 2 weeks later two wonderful Christian men, Prince and Paul from TBC came knocking at my door. Revelation 3:20. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and he with Me.” I invited them in and we sat down and they started telling me about God. They said that God is a just and holy God who must punish sin but He is also a merciful and loving God. They told me that it was in our nature to sin and that everyone does.

God’s solution was in the person of His Son Jesus Christ. Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Then I was asked a big question. They wanted to know if I would like to have assurance that if I died I would go to heaven. Acts 16:31 “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved.” That night I said a prayer and asked Jesus to come into my heart and rescue me and guess what? He did!!! My life was forever changed.

I then began to realize how much I loved Lorraine and what she meant to me. So we talked and decided we wanted to get married. Realizing that we had been living together in sin, we both decided that out of our respect for God and each other we would separate and remain pure until our marriage. I finally started to feel that peace that I was looking so hard for.

I am now sober and have quit a lot of other bad habits as well. I learned that all I have to do is follow Jesus and I will never have to live like that again. I know that my life is not perfect and that it never will be. I still have problems that I must face every day but now I can face them because I have the Holy Spirit there to guide me.